- on pink slime “Yes, LFTB because our beef now has so many hormones it’s a member of the transgendered community.” (“So I just want to get out in front of this and say that I, Stephen Colbert, apologize to any of my transgender bovine viewers that may have been offended.”)
- “That’s why, fellas, always look for the adams apple! That’s a pro tip. Then, look for the adam’s penis”
- “Nation, President Elect, Obama is meeting every day with his transition team, or in beltway lingo, ‘tr***ies’.”
- “But these days, chewing gum is as supple and flamboyant as a Saigon Ladyboy.”
- “Oh, and the next time you’re waltzing with Matilda, you might wanna check out her adam’s apple, ‘cause she’s a dude!”
- “I’m not talking tasteful private ceremonies, I’m talking parades with floats, throbbing disco music, and sh*m**es tying the knot on preschool playgrounds!”
- “Now, I already an advance copy of the Deathly Hallows and Spoiler alert: Hermione’s a dude…”
- “If you ask me, we can’t trust any of these tr***ies.”
- “You see, I didn’t come here to criticize anyone. I came here to praise one man, one Her-man. Important note: a her-man is not the same as a sh*m**e.”
- “Gee, I wonder how a man called “Hilary” became so obsessed with names… …but, what would this limey sh*m**e have us call the war on terror instead?”
- “I believe that “the Man” is keeping the California republicans down. And, being from California, “the Man” is probably a tr***y.”
- “So, was this just a simple case of a panda that was a female and all along was misidentified due to the breed’s ambiguous sexual characteristics, or is the simpler answer that we’ve got a tr***y panda? Now, I never thought I’d give advice to bears, but here you go. Chinese pandas, here’s how you can tell the difference: if you show up to your breeding pen and your lady’s got a an adam’s apple and big paws, get the hell out of there!”
- “Left to their own devices, these brave young souls could fall prey to some very dangerous characters…” cuts to clips of Sex and the City “…by which I mean tr***ies.”
- “Now, we’ve all been fooled by these tr***y reptiles before…You’re out in the desert with a few friends having a few drinks. You see a lizard sunning itself on a rock. You go over to strike up a conversation. The lizards plays it cool, doesn’t respond. So you drink more to fill the awkward pauses. Next thing you know, you’re back at her place and suddenly you realize what you’re caressing isn’t a cloaca, it’s an enlarged femoral pore! And you just get the hell out of there! Or so I have read.”
- “C’mon democratic party. Play along! If your party does not implode, we’ll have to go with our backup scandal. Ed Rendell is a tr***y!” (screen shows photoshopped image of Ed Rendell) “Hello! I thought we were going to put up a picture of Ed Rendell, not this lovely lady right here.”
- “To get this protection these fair-weather-females and fence-sitting-fellas will have to identify themselves. They will no longer shock and confuse young reporters on assignment in a new town who happen to appreciate ladies with big hands.”
- “Oh, you mean the place of Queens…I thought maybe you were gonna reveal something! that perhaps we had a sh*m**e on our hands, here.”
- This tweet
- “But, here’s my biggest problem: this race was for female leatherback turtles. What kind of girl’s name is Billy? Ok. Know what I think, folks? Billy is a dude! A turtle tr***y! You can tell by the size of the flippers. And the adam’s apple. Trust me, I’ve been burned too many times. Evidently, I am not alone. They are a menace! Here’s my theory. While Stephanie and all of the other real gals were actually laying eggs on the beach in their nests, Billy fooled the judges by popping ping-ping balls out of his behind. And now he wants a trophy! Well, your little crying game is up, William! No no no, I demand that race officials verify the sex of this turtle, by checking the concavity of its plastron! Oh yeah, I’ve done my research. I do the same thing to all of my dates. And if that plastron is not concave, I am out of there.”
- Colbert: Is there a difference between male-bodied and male, or female-bodied and female?
Ketchup: Not all people with female bodies identify as women.
Colbert: So, if I meet somebody down there who says they’re a woman—
Colbert: —I could be in for a rude surprise? Because they may not be female-bodied?
- Colbert: Like What? What? What kind of jobs?
- Cartwright: Like transient farm working jobs.
Colbert: I don’t care what sex they are, as long as the pick my vegetables.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
NEVER TRUSTING A WHITE DUDE AGAIN
Just in case people didn’t know.
It kinda sucks sometimes to be a fan of his show because satire is supposed to mock the powerful, not the oppressed. It’s frustrating and hurtful. This is one of the most painfully obvious ways that Colbert’s character goes beyond “I’m satirizing bigots by pretending to be one” and is just plain old being a fucking bigot.
Also notice the lack of hate for AFAB people.
Life Begins at Incorporation, a collection of political cartoons and essays by Matt Bors, is my favorite book I’ve read this year. Both his comics and writings are hilarious and brutal (brutally hilarious? Is that stupid to say?), cutting through American politics with laser-like precision. I honest-to-god laughed out loud while reading this and had to stop every other page to lean over to my husband and say, “This one! Read this one!”
His book is self-published with funds raised on Kickstarter and I can think of no better way for you to spend that $20 that’s been burning a hole in your pocket than right here, directly supporting an independent cartoonist who’s made political cartoons worth reading again.